At first I joined up with people I met through this and other blogs, and they still a part of my Facebook. There is Pam, Ceara, Jude, Jay, Mj (Judy), Monica, and others. About 60 all together. Within two weeks some of my high school friends found me as well.. They are Robbie, Tammy, Laura, Gail, Susan and Kim, I have known them all between 35 and 25 years. It was great to catch up a little bit with them and see where each of us are now.
I also met a few new LGBT friends through the networked blogs and groups I joined. I would check in every now and then, put up links to stories, read what they had to say, make some comments and log off. That was Facebook for me the first month. Early in July things began to shift.
The shift started after Ceara invited me to join her "family" in Mafia Wars. A social game with terrible graphics and to many things you have to click. I accepted. I would still just check in now and then, but now would play a little bit of Mafia Wars and then log off. I had a few other friends that were playing with us but nothing major, about 8 people all together. I will be honest, I thought it was silly and boring but somehow felt like I should because I did sign on after all. After nearly a month I started getting friend request from people that said they wanted to only play Mafia Wars. I figured what the heck? Yeah!! A new audience for the blog! Within a week I had 200 of these new friends and they started explaining the game to me and pointing out that it really was only fun if you played with a lot of people. They started suggesting me to their friends and before I knew it, I had nearly 1000 "friends" on Facebook.
I didn't realize that having 900 crazed Mafia Wars addicts as friends would start to cause problems with the friends I originally started out with. A big part of the game is knowing how and when to help your "famiglia" This requires everyone to send up feed posts that tell everyone else what is needed. Things like, "war declared" "join my mafia" "help me with a job" and other bits of info, literally hundreds of little annoying posts that drive even the players crazy. It is unbearable for those who do not play.
I apologize to each and every one of my non-Mafia Wars playing friends on Facebook for that period of time. I finally learned how to change my settings a full two months after I started playing.
So OK, what does this have to do with anything that I play Mafia Wars?? The reason I wanted to blog about this is because the truth is, playing Mafia Wars not only changed the way I use Facebook, it changed the way I view the whole world and the way I view what is necessary in our fight for human rights.
I am serious, no joke. Part of the sheer beauty of something like Facebook is that it has no borders at all. Anyone, anywhere in the world can sign up as long as they have either a computer or smart device that has internet capabilities. Because of Mafia Wars I now have friends from every State in the US and nearly every country in the world. From Argentina to Zimbabwe. I have friends from every walk of life, every religion and no religion, every social standing, nearly every economic level, some who have strong political opinions and some with no interest in politics at all.
I have men, women, teens and children who are in my mafia famiglia. I have gays, lesbians, one transgender (that I know for sure), bi-sexual's and yes, even straights in my mafia. I had over 2000 at one time but cleaned out those that had signed up and disappeared. It is now 1300 strong and I have become fond of each and every one of them. I have made good friends with about 300 or more and a big handful that are extra special to me.
So how has this changed how I look at advocating for our rights? I don't know that I can put it into exact words, but let me start by saying that I have had exactly one person be bothered by the fact that I am a lesbian or follow the issues or even advocate for our rights. And she was really only worried about my salvation, and after several conversations about that and me telling her my story and my change from worshiping a book to worshiping God, we are still friends but she no longer writes to me expressing her fear that I am going to hell. While she has never told me she changed her mind, I guess it made her think a little and I can't ask for anything more than that. Besides, now she knows she knows a gay person, even if it is only online.
On the other hand, I have had quite a few, and a lot from Muslim countries, who have messaged me that in their countries the gays are killed or castrated or imprisoned and they feel that those policies are wrong. A few have even written to say that they have come to see us in a different light since "meeting" me. I am touched that they let me know. It is OK that it is a private thing between us, because many of these people would face serious consequences if it were made public. They know I am a lesbian because of the groups they see me join, comments I leave, and especially this blog. While they haven't all started following us, more than I ever thought have stopped by to read it, and they have messaged me to let me know what they think. So far it has all been positive. I think that is in large part because they see me as a friend too and want to understand me as a human in that context.
I also learned some of the advocates, however, cared a lot that I played Mafia Wars. And it wasn't just that they didn't want to see the posts clogging up their feeds. It was that it was frivolous, not serious stuff for an advocate to be up to. It seemed that all I was doing was playing Mafia Wars, not even blogging anymore.
They are right of course, I wasn't hurt by this attitude. I was and still am playing a lot. You, my readers knew for sure I wasn't blogging. I knew for sure I wasn't blogging. Understand that I'm not judging them for that attitude at all. It is necessary that important issues be treated seriously and that the bearer of those messages be taken seriously.
What I started to see, however, is that it is just as important that our audience is not just those who already agree with us. And the approach we take with them has to be a different one. We can't just preach to the choir anymore, we need to find common ground with all humans and we can't just preach to them either. We need to get better at just making friends first.
What I realized for me though was, that had I remained "serious" on Facebook, I wouldn't have the friends I have now, and they wouldn't have had the opportunity to have me as a friend either. It wasn't my intention at all when I started playing this game, nor when I started joining their conversations and becoming friends. And that is why it is so extraordinary. Many of us are real friends now, and we communicate with each other about all kinds of things. We also care about each others lives. I have gotten into some discussions that go from Breast Cancer awareness and the color of our bras to the success and failures of the women's movement around the world. Discussions about what is going on in Uganda with the gays, how stupid for the military Don't Ask Don't Tell is, to a friend of mine who is a lesbian that was surprised when I said I was blessed to be one. She didn't feel blessed nor knew any one of her friends who felt that way. I hope that chat we had begins to change her view too. We also talk about each others kids, grand kids, spouses and "significant others." Not to mention dogs, cats, vacations, schools, new cars, divorces and even marriages.
The thing is, I do care about them and we share interest on issues such as child abuse, animal cruelty, abuse of women, crime, poverty, heath care because these are universal issues, the funny thing is, because they are my friends, if they didn't care before, they have come to care about the things that are supposedly "our" issues, seeing it as "their" issue too. They care that we are not always treated equally, they do care that American religious leaders went to Uganda last Spring and the result of that visit is proposed legislation that makes Fred Phelps proud. They care because they care about me. I am not saying they all care, but some now do who didn't before. Maybe for the first time ever they know someone who is gay. Maybe that makes all the difference in the world. Maybe that is when true equality begins, when we can say to those who are different, "you are my friend."
Oh, that picture? That picture is how my friends and famiglia on Facebook visualize me. Those Mafia Wars playing friends of mine dubbed me "Lady Love," and it has stuck. My Godmother, Kafe, created this graphic for me, she said it fit my personality, LOL. I love my new name and the image it evokes. I love that my friends have taught me to be a pretty good player and have also opened my eyes to the world and changed my image of it.
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